Roller Coaster

Wow! It's been a long time since I've sat at the keyboard to write. For much of the summer, I felt like there was not much new information to share. A lot has happened since my last post.

In late September we were called by our social worker Sally, who informed us that a birthmom was looking at our profile. She needed permission to show us to this birthmom because it was considered a high risk placement. A high risk placement is an in-hospital placement with the potential adoptive parents. The risk comes because of the 30 recision period in Maryland. I was very unsure and hesitant but after much prayer and trust in my husband's confident decision, we decided to move forward. We were not selected by that set of birthparents.

About 3 weeks later, I was in the middle of teaching when I got a call from Shayla, the birthmother counselor. "You've been selected" she said in her usual calm and understated way. I think my jaw dropped and I let out a little yelp. (My students later asked if I had won the lottery!) We got the details and the ride began. If everything goes as plan, we will have a little boy in our arms by mid-February.

People are so kind and often ask if we have any news. I usually respond by saying that we are guardedly excited. That's the truth. If I'm honest, I can say that this has been a challenging experience because I am having a difficult time knowing how much of my heart to invest. I want to feel excited, but that is a dangerous proposition. Investing too much of my heart could mean heartbreak, because this process is always tenuous. All indications are very positive and our meeting with the birthparents went, in the language of my husband, "Awesome". We are definitely along for the ride.

My confidence is that my God uses "all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose". I know that whatever happens, God is not a distant watchmaker, but a loving shepherd who holds us, the birthparents, and this child in His very capable hands. Besides, I love roller coasters!

The Climb

As I sit down to write again, I marvel at the amazing journey we have walked so far. In just a little over 5 months we have applied for adoption, attended 24 hours of training, had our home inspected 3 times, completed 4 interviews, completed a stack of paperwork, and completed our home visit. It all seems to have gone pretty quickly and we have emerged from the mound of paperwork and procedures relatively unscathed. As a type-A personality, I have enjoyed the challenge of completing the requirements. This process gave me a goal to reach and achieve. I think now is the hardest part of the trip. It is almost like reaching base camp. This stage of the climb is a challenge in itself, but the most arduous part of the journey lies ahead. Unlike those climbers, we cannot rely on our own strength and skill to reach the summit. We know where we are going, but we don't know how long it will take to get there. God has been so faithful to see us through to this point. Along the way, I have learned that I can't control much about this process. His timing is perfect. Now that my efforts are exhausted and Shane and I have met the requirements, we must wait.
Wait. What does it mean to wait? It means that we must trust that God and His plans for us are good, no matter the frustration and anticipation. It means that we learn the lessons He is teaching us along the way. At some point we will reach the top and view the beauty of the path we have traveled, but it may not be this side of heaven. Pray for Shane and I as we lace up our boots!

My Cup Overflows

Well, the past month and some days have been full of much activity. Not much of it was adoption related and again I feel as if we're in the hurry up and wait part of this process. We are in fact waiting to be officially waiting. Shane's fingerprints went through and the social worker has been calling our references. We are waiting for the home visit and the rest of the interviews. One of our friends in our class is already officially waiting!

I've been overwhelmed with our school musical "Charlotte's Web" which was presented last Thursday. Now I have sixth grade graduation on the horizon. It's a busy time. I have to admit that this process seems a bit surreal. I know that we have been through the classes and have made some preparations, but it seems as if this baby is just a figment of my hopeful heart. I know that the process is moving, but I'm just anxious for things to move faster. I guess if the social worker called tomorrow, I'd probably become neurotic with all that is happening in the next week. God's timing is perfect, I just wish I could see His dayplanner.

On a positive note, we have officially raised our entire placement fee. You can see from the blog that in just a little over a month, our friends and family have generously provided over $16,000 for Little Lankford. I always tell people that we never left church without at least $400 in our pockets and it seemed that every other day we were finding checks in our mailbox. That is an amazing testimony of God's hand on our process and confirms that He is able to move in the hearts of others to share their blessings. We stand in complete amazement and awe.

Please pray for patience as we wait. Thank you all for filling our cup!

Holding Pattern

I must confess that I think that this month has been harder than the last. In March we were caught up in a whirlwind of activity. We barely had time to breathe, which in turn means that we barely had time to become impatient. This month has not been too productive. Aside from the baby room, we are still waiting on paperwork. Shane's fingerprints came back again, which is a sign that he is working very hard but also a sign that we are still at the mercy of the fingerprint inspectors. What a job that must be. We have one book report left and then we wait for the social worker to schedule the home visit and the final 3 interviews. I've been putting off the blog because I don't have anything profound or even interesting. We have been fielding lots of questions like, "Any news?", which sadly I have to answer "Not yet."
Isn't that the way God seems to operate? God has chosen a child already for us and yet we must wait on His timing. God has given me the hope of heaven, but I must still live out His plan for me first. I'm not very good at this "already, not yet" lifestyle. Continue to pray for Shane and I as we wait on the Lord. Thank God He's not my co-pilot. I need someone else to fly this plane!
P.S. We continue to be blessed from the hearts and pockets of friends, family, and even strangers. We now have 20% of our placement fee!

Fields of Green

I'm up to my eyeballs in green things lately. I have had some time off for Easter break and I spent a few days getting the nursery painted. The walls before were covered with a hideous, almost day-glo jungle border and safety yellow paint. Beauty must be in the eye of the beholder. Because of that lovely yellow paint, I had to primer the room before painting. Today I rolled the last wall of meadow green paint. I've got green paint in my hair, under my fingernails, and I'm sure there's a splotch on some exposed skin that I, no doubt, will leave the house displaying to the public. This has been a fun time, though I don't enjoy painting at all. I thought it would be a reflective, prayerful time. Most of the time I spent confessing my negative attitude toward the previous homeowners for that repugnant yellow! During my time painting today, I did have a chance to pray for that little person that will one day rest in the little green room. I also prayed for the woman who is or may soon be carrying this little person. More and more, I'm longing to meet little Lankford. I can't hurry this process. God has laid out the path for our baby, and has given this time to his/her birthparents. Pray for us as we hurry up and wait.
Shane spoke in the previous blog about the other green stuff we are swimming in lately. I thought it was so amazing that by the end of the day we had almost 10% of the placement fee, and this 10% came on a Sunday. In the last hours of that day we received another $1000 which testifies to the amazing generosity of friends and family and also God's overflowing provision for us. On Tuesday of this week, we received another precious monetary gift from a friend. We are just being showered with blessings. It is not the money that amazes me, but the hearts of the people who have given. These aren't rich people, they are people who are rich with the stuff that "moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal" - Matthew 6:20.

Lots of "pennies" from heaven!!!

Wow! What an incredible day! First of all, I want to say "hey" to everyone reading this...I haven't been on to blog for awhile. I've been incredibly busy, but Wendy & I are making it through this process with God's incredible grace!
Anyway, back to the day we've had today.


As many of you might know...this adoption is not inexpensive...in fact the actual cost of $$ that we are still needing for the adoption is $16,700...until today that is!!!
That amount is only $14,200 after today...and what a crazy day this was!
The day started out with a phone call around 8am or so letting Wendy & I know that our church (New Covenant Presbyterian Church) was broken into and vandalized around 4:30am. Someone used fire extinguishers and sprayed them throughout the whole sanctuary. Needless to say, when we came into church (we had service in the gym) we didn't know what to expect to see. Well, we didn't see anything...the main sanctuary was closed off to the congregation, but there was an "air" of wondering by many.
Anyway, the Lord was glorified and worship was given...a tremendous message on Christ's full-sacrifice for us on the cross...His ultimate blessing to us!


The Lord had more blessings in store for us this day...Wendy & I were caught totally off-guard!
Unexpectedly, we were given $2500 during the course of the day!!!
I was/am being totally humbled in this whole process. Wendy always says that I am the one teaching her that God will supply all our needs and as He does (which I know He will) I continue to be "blown away" by His generosity to this "sparrow".


May the Lord be glorified as He is the "Giver and Supplier of all our needs"!!!

God bless,
shane

Papparazzi

Our dearest pals,

We need pictures! Shane and I have to design a scrapbook profile for the adoption agency. If you have any pictures of us together, or as individuals, could you please send them to us? We desperately need pix. My limited collection makes it appear as if we have no life before this year. I would be glad to make copies and return them if they are near and dear to you.

Thank you!
Wendy

Puddles

We finally finished our fourth training session (our third this week) at Bethany. It has been awesome! The room of quiet, serious people quickly erupted into a cacophony of conversation. It has really been an awesome experience. The nine couples in the room are truly diverse, not just racially but in experience and interest. I have truly enjoyed this experience. We have this very hip and cute trainer named Shayla. She is actually the birthmother counselor for Bethany. She has brought some reality and perspective to this process. I'm afraid that I still had my rose-colored glasses on when I started this process. I appreciate the agency's goal to inform us of all possibilities.


Last night we had an assignment. We had to imagine that we were birthparents that had to make a plan of adoption for our child. We had to write a letter to our child, explaining ourselves. This was one of the most difficult assignments I have ever had to do. We all brought our letters and then some of us read them aloud. There weren't many dry eyes in the room. Many of us have struggled with the concept of open adoption. Open adoption is when the birthparents may have visits (supervised) with the child and the adoptive parents. This assignment gave us a new perspective on the whole thing. Now I know that my happiest day will be someone's saddest. What a bittersweet time.


Please pray for wisdom for all of the future parents in this class. We all have tough decisions to make. Also pray for those birthmoms and dads. Pray that God would guide and direct them in their very important decision making. Praise God for Bethany and their incredible ministry.

On the run . . .

That's how our week has felt. I feel like I'm running on a treadmill without all of the awesome calorie burning. Tuesday was our first training meeting. We cruised through McD's for a fast bite. We smelled like quarter pounders when we arrived. We met 9 other couples who are in the process as well. It's funny how people interact with other strangers. We were all crammed into this little meeting room. As per my usual habit, I searched the room for a pair of eyes to connect with (Shane was in the bathroom). No one would look up. Everyone was so serious. I just wanted to make a little small talk. We opened with our name and something interesting about ourselves. As soon as I sat down, I realized that my socks didn't match. That was my interesting fact. Shane's was that he was adopted at 4 months. There were definitely interesting people there, but you can't help sizing them all up and comparing yourself. I had to confess this later. We watched a very moving video describing the process of adoption from a birthmother's perspective. I tried to cry quietly but I made little snorting sounds. How embarrassing!


Today we had our home inspections by the fire marshall and health department. Talk about under the microscope! I was neurotically finishing the all important wipe of the fridge seal when the fire marshall arrived. He was all business. I always find those kinds of people a challenge. I try to disarm them a bit and at get at least a smile or a laugh. I got one smile and a passing score. He looked behind our dryer. I won't tell you what he found. It was lint pergatory back there. The health dept. inspector arrived a half an hour early as I was finishing the basement. Just before he rang the bell, Maxi made her escape and proceeded to run around the neighborhood for 2 hours. What a day! We also passed this inspection and now I'm chasing the weekend. Training next week is Mon-Wed. Pray that we both don't collapse! I need some Gatorade!

The Juggler

Do you ever feel like a juggler with too many objects in the air and not enough hands to catch them all? That's me right now. I'm balancing being a teacher, wife, and secretary. I love teaching, but I can't help thinking about that new little person. I love my husband, but laundry just doesn't seem to be on the top of the priority list right now. You can pray that God would straighten out my priorities. Seems he's sending me the message to slow down. I have the cold that won't quit. I feel like a dish rag. It would be an underused dish rag if it came from my home!


A few things have happened since I last sat to blog (also low on the list right now, though tons of fun). We registered at Target on Saturday. I realized that adoption brings it's own set of obstacles. We had to enter a due date in order to register. I had to make one up:) Talk about overwhelming. There are even baby chotschkes. Just what we need. Tonight we finished the monster 40 essay questions called the self study. Whew! What a relief! Another ball goes rolling away!


Continue to pray that we would trust God to provide for us. Things are squeaky tight right now. Pray also that we would be shining lights at our training with the other parents. Pray that we would be prepared for all that is ahead (if that is even possible). Thank you for getting calloused knees on our behalf. Little Lankford will thank you too, one day!

The Paper Pregnancy

Well, we are happy to say that we passed through our screening interview with flying colors. We arrived at the agency and sat in their cute little office. I met Linda, the perky receptionist. She's as perky in person as she is on the phone. Sally, the social worker, greeted us and led us back to her office. She had pictures of her family (her husband and two boys) on the table. We sat down and she ran through the details from the agency's end of things. She asked us questions. One of the questions was to describe each other with 3 words. Shane rambled on past the 3 words. She said she always lets the husbands gush a bit. We decided that we would be a good fit for the agency and then we began to sign papers. It felt like we were closing on a house or something. She gave us a packet of paperwork.


We are now on Phase 3 of 5 phases. In phase 3 we must complete 21 hrs. of training, a home study and inspection, and a 6 page autobiography. We also have additional paperwork to complete. Shane is very organized and meticulous, so we have about 2/3 of the paperwork done already. That's why it's taken me so long to blog. I'm pooped. I guess I feel tired just like any other mother to be. The magic number for this adoption is $15,050. Please pray specifically for this number. We know that God is able to supply all our needs with this process!

Tintinnabulation

"To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells

From the bells, bells, bells. - Edgar Allen Poe"

I heard bells yesterday. Not the type that let you know that a cat is near, or the type that warn you of an impending fire. I heard the bells that remind me that God is in the details. Last week we turned in our initial application for adoption. I sent the envelope certified mail so that I could know for sure that the agency had received it. We received confirmation on Thursday. I spoke with my friend Shon, who has gone through much of this process to adopt two boys from Haiti. As usual, she reassured me and encouraged me to be patient. What a testimony of patience she exhibits as she waits for her two boys that she already knows by name, Isaac and Essai.

I wanted to call the agency to find out about the next step. I called the office and Linda, the kind receptionist, let me know that the social worker would call us. Not even an hour later, Sally, the social worker at the agency, called to set up an interview time. How funny. I was worried and the phone rang not even an hour later. We have our first screening interview next Wednesday at 10 a.m. This interview determines whether or not we are a good fit for the agency. Please pray that we will speak words, seasoned with salt. Also pray that we would be calm and that our answers would truly reflect who we are and what we are about.

Ramble On

Well, here I am...blogging?! Never thought I'd be doing it, but I guess I have some thoughts on this whole process (man, who am I kidding...I'm really excited and I have a ton of thoughts on this and I think you all need to know what they are!).


In some ways Wendy has mentioned alot of my thoughts/feelings with what has been going on so far, but as the father in this obviously I'll have some thoughts of my own.
Can I really raise a human being? I love dogs and our 2 seem to be healthy...so I'm sure I can keep a human alive to grow up. Man, changing diapers will be GREAT I'm sure!!!
Can I raise a child with solid Christian principles...I know I can for God is sovereign and all the stupid stuff I do will teach this child what not to do, and then there is my awesome church family who will help "train him up in the Lord"!
The waiting process will be the toughest though, but the time will give us space to make preparations for the "little one".


I'm no where near as good of a writer as Wendy (she will be posting more than I), normally I write my thoughts out in songs/lyrics...but as things come to me to share I will "hit the blog" with what's going on in my head!

We covet your prayers!

God bless you,
shane

Scrambled Eggs

Today is the day. The first step taken . . . one million more to go. Last night we finished the initial application. After a several minute long rant on fiscal responsibility, I succumbed to my husband's steady and calming influence. Very simply he said, "Wendy, God is sovereign. He'll take care of us. He always does." Thank goodness God puts Type A's with Type B's. What it all boils down to is my lack of trust. I want to get my hands dirty and control this whole situation. I heard a funny quote: "The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."


I felt an excitement wash over me this morning when I carried the sealed envelope to the car. I taught a full morning, and then, as 11:00 approached, I sent my ducks upstairs to gym and ran upstairs to try to coerce an accomplice. I told Lori the plan and she was quick to jump aboard. We headed to the Abingdon Post Office. This is not a place I typically get excited about. We took pictures at the door going in. What a fool I am! The P.O. was uncharacteristically quiet. I placed my special envelope on the counter and proceeded to fill out the paperwork for certified mail. We chatted with the cute postal lady with the blue gloves. She's adopting too. We headed to Wendy's to celebrate. No scrambled eggs today.

Let them eat cake!

Our wonderful friends Daniel and Christie invited us over for a "Congrats on Beginning the Adoption Process" dinner. They treated us to a delicious dinner of chicken and dumplings, dense and delicious bread, and a chocolate cake with white icing. Daniel toasted us with champagne and we enjoyed a great evening of "golf" and fellowship with Daniel, Christie, Jude, Angie, and Annie. We are blessed to have awesome friends!

The First Day

See here son, I’m giving and giving

But I don’t have enough

As for toys, and cards, and books

And the warmth of a father’s touch

I can give you all of these . . .

But all the things that heart truly desires

Will never come from these hands of dust and clay

And the day will come

When as a blind man you will stumble

And raise your cry to the one who passes by

And in your hand you’ll feel

The gift that can’t be held.

-Orphan Project, "Paupers Unfulfilled"

Clay. That is what I feel like today. I am keenly aware of my weakness and my desperate need for Jesus' hand in this whole process; the adoption process. I'm the adoption novice here. Shane had his own personal experience with the journey. Thankfully we are travelling together.

The tunnel was closed. We didn't have a map. My cell phone was dead. Our meeting was at 9:30 in Crofton, a town near Bowie (famous for the Bay Sox). We were already facing challenges and we hadn't even arrived. God is good and I know he cares for even the littlest things, like the cell phone charger that was hidden in the glove box. We called my mom, who has an uncanny nose for directions, and navigated around the tunnel and to our destination with 10 minutes to spare. I hate being late. We were the second to arrive.

We entered a little church called Mount Oak Fellowship and we were ushered into a beautiful little sanctuary. I surveyed the couples that entered and found myself evaluating my outfit in comparison to the other women who were there. What is an adoptive mother-to-be supposed to look like? Do we look the part? There goes my flesh again. We met the director of the adoption agency and the social worker in charge of the cases. They were pleasant and hopeful and shared the truth about adoption. They communicated the seriousness of the committment to adopt. It would be no easy process. Shane sat as still as he could and I took copious notes, mostly to keep my hands busy while I listened. It's good to see the reality of this adventure on paper.

When the adoption process is finalized, we will have completed at least 4 interviews, a home inspection by the fire department and health department (talk about the neurotic cleaning I envisioned!), a home visit, 21 hours of training, and a finalized profile scrapbook of who we are in 10 pages or less. Seems simple right? Oh, and we will have to pay a bill of about $15,000 dollars. The yoke seems heavy but . . .

Clay has to endure molding, shaping, and fire it is able to be of some use. This is where Shane and I draw our confidence. We are so excited and I don't believe it's a naive excitement. God is going to do this with two rough around the edges, big kids like us. The joy is in the journey, right?