The First Day

See here son, I’m giving and giving

But I don’t have enough

As for toys, and cards, and books

And the warmth of a father’s touch

I can give you all of these . . .

But all the things that heart truly desires

Will never come from these hands of dust and clay

And the day will come

When as a blind man you will stumble

And raise your cry to the one who passes by

And in your hand you’ll feel

The gift that can’t be held.

-Orphan Project, "Paupers Unfulfilled"

Clay. That is what I feel like today. I am keenly aware of my weakness and my desperate need for Jesus' hand in this whole process; the adoption process. I'm the adoption novice here. Shane had his own personal experience with the journey. Thankfully we are travelling together.

The tunnel was closed. We didn't have a map. My cell phone was dead. Our meeting was at 9:30 in Crofton, a town near Bowie (famous for the Bay Sox). We were already facing challenges and we hadn't even arrived. God is good and I know he cares for even the littlest things, like the cell phone charger that was hidden in the glove box. We called my mom, who has an uncanny nose for directions, and navigated around the tunnel and to our destination with 10 minutes to spare. I hate being late. We were the second to arrive.

We entered a little church called Mount Oak Fellowship and we were ushered into a beautiful little sanctuary. I surveyed the couples that entered and found myself evaluating my outfit in comparison to the other women who were there. What is an adoptive mother-to-be supposed to look like? Do we look the part? There goes my flesh again. We met the director of the adoption agency and the social worker in charge of the cases. They were pleasant and hopeful and shared the truth about adoption. They communicated the seriousness of the committment to adopt. It would be no easy process. Shane sat as still as he could and I took copious notes, mostly to keep my hands busy while I listened. It's good to see the reality of this adventure on paper.

When the adoption process is finalized, we will have completed at least 4 interviews, a home inspection by the fire department and health department (talk about the neurotic cleaning I envisioned!), a home visit, 21 hours of training, and a finalized profile scrapbook of who we are in 10 pages or less. Seems simple right? Oh, and we will have to pay a bill of about $15,000 dollars. The yoke seems heavy but . . .

Clay has to endure molding, shaping, and fire it is able to be of some use. This is where Shane and I draw our confidence. We are so excited and I don't believe it's a naive excitement. God is going to do this with two rough around the edges, big kids like us. The joy is in the journey, right?